I thought I would share.
Song: Shadow of Your Hand by Eden's Bridge.
This is such a soothing song - it never ceases to encourage me, disperse my fears, and to lift my head up to Jesus that I may gaze into His eyes. I thought I would share. Song: Shadow of Your Hand by Eden's Bridge.
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Constantly, I fall into the trap that I have to be strong in order to endure. This is a lie. In order for me to endure I must be weak, for it is His Spirit that is strong. I have often felt guilty that as a Christian, I am weak, I have weak moments, and I am needy. I feel guilty because I think that all Christians have it all together and all Christians, who are walking with the Lord, are strong and are not poor or needy. Therefore, only those that do not walk with the Lord are weak and poor. Translation: I am not walking with the Lord because I am poor and needy. However, this is not true for David, it is not true for Job, and it is not true for me. Was Job in the wrong when he wanted the Lord Himself to come and comfort him? Was he wrong to feel pain, be poor (depressed, in despair) and needy? Was David wrong for crying out to the Lord when he was in despair, poor and needy? Am I wrong, as a Christian, to be poor and needy? My Father has told me that He likes it when I cry out to Him. He likes for me to ask Him to rescue me. He likes for me to be stubborn and refuse to be comforted by any one except Him. He likes it when I am poor and needy, because when I am poor (in spirit), I seek His riches (Him); when I am needy (empty and lacking in spirit), I reach out for His mercy. That is exactly what Christ came for, to comfort those who mourn, to bring beauty from ashes, to give oil of joy for mourning (Isaiah 61). David's words (Psalm 86) testify of this (I've added emphasis in bold, italics and underline): 1 Bow down Your ear, O LORD, hear me; For Iam poor and needy. 2 Preserve my life, for I am holy; You are my God; Save Your servant who trusts in You! 3 Be merciful to me, O Lord, For I cry to You all day long. 4 Rejoice the soul of Your servant, For to You, O Lord, I lift up my soul. 5 For You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive, And abundant in mercy to all those who call upon You. 6 Give ear, O LORD, to my prayer; And attend to the voice of my supplications. 7 In the day of my trouble I will call upon You, For You will answer me. 8 Among the gods there is none like You, O Lord; Nor are there any works like Your works. 9 All nations whom You have made Shall come and worship before You, O Lord, And shall glorify Your name. 10 For You are great, and do wondrous things; You alone are God. 11 Teach me Your way, O LORD; I will walk in Your truth; Unite my heart to fear Your name. 12 I will praise You, O Lord my God, with all my heart, And I will glorify Your name forevermore. 13 For great is Your mercy toward me, And You have delivered my soul from the depths of Sheol. 14 O God, the proud have risen against me, And a mob of violent men have sought my life, And have not set You before them. 15 But You, O Lord, are a God full of compassion, and gracious, Longsuffering and abundant in mercy and truth. 16 Oh, turn to me, and have mercy on me! Give Your strength to Your servant, And save the son of Your maidservant. 17 Show me a sign for good, That those who hate me may see it and be ashamed, Because You, LORD, have helped me and comforted me. Who else is there like the Lord? There is none like Him, and only He can deal with my poverty and my neediness. It is in my weakness that He shines the most. He is emptying this vessel so that I can pour my life into others. Discipling others to disciple others is my goal, for it is the marching orders the Lord gave me before ascending into Heaven (Matthew 28: 19-20). I have to understand that through my weakness, my poverty, my neediness, His Spirit will work in the lives of others that they too may be able to disciple others. So in my weakness I will call upon Him that He may work in me, and by the power of the Spirit, pour my life into others' lives that they too may learn to pour themselves into others (2 Timothy 2:2). Lord, change my heart, for it is better to let you shine through my brokenness than to becloud your Spirit through my strength. Note: Michael Card wrote a song for the album "Soul Anchor" titled 'Never Will I Leave You'. This song kept playing in my head when I was calling out to my Father from my place of poverty and neediness. I like the question interjected in the song by the Lord 'Am I not enough for you?'. It reminded me that He is enough, the All Sufficient One - El Shaddai. I searched youtube for videos made with the song and found the one I uploaded after this posting. Interestingly, the video is set to the theme of orphans and adoptions - how appropriate. I was an orphan in need, in poverty, and He did not leave me. I pray it blesses you and reminds you of the many orphans surrounding us. This is a great song which reminds me about where my Lord is in relation to me. I pray it blesses you. This song is by Tenth Avenue North, titled Times; I found this slide show someone posted on youtube. Existing is difficult; existing and being invisible, painful.
It is difficult to fight a disease without first having its diagnosis. In like manner, it is difficult to confront a lie I have believed without knowing the name of the lie. Even more difficult is knowing what constitutes a lie... That is why, as the Lord brings the lie to the surface, He names the lie that I have believed all my life, a lie that has shaped my character, my behavior, my outlook, and the perception of myself. This process is difficult. It is painful. It causes tremulous fear. The name of this lie?...My existence is not acknowledged because I am not important, and I am not important because no one cares about or loves me...My pain has no feelings. My voice is inaudible. I am invisible. I do not exist. This defined my existence from the time I began to use reason. BUT, God is merciful toward me in that He has opened my eyes to His eyes. He has opened my ears to His voice. He has given me a voice for His ears. He sees me - and not just me, He sees me completely. For He sees my heart, both wickedness and the light brought by my redemption through His Son. I have said to Him: HEAR my cry, o God! ATTEND to my prayer. From the end of the earth I will CRY to You, when my heart is overwhelmed. And He answered: I am a shelter for you, a strong tower from the enemy. You will abide in My tabernacle forever; you will trust in the shelter of My wings. For I, Your God, have HEARD your vows; I have given you the heritage of those who fear My Name...So you will SING praise to My Name forever. Psalm 61 He sees my pain. He hears my cry. He listens to my prayer. He offers me His wings to cover me and shelter me. I exist in Him. He loves me, for He knew me when He was forming my inward parts when in my mother's womb (Psalm 139:13) and He was my God from my mother's womb (Psalm 22:10). He created me, therefore I do exist. Christ died for me, therefore He does love me. Lord, I believe; help my unbelief. This is a great song by JJ Heller about the cry we have to be loved for who we are, just as we are. I like this acoustic version...very earthy. Enjoy! When I go through trials, whether brought on by external circumstances or brought on by internal changes, I tend to focus on the 'uncomfortableness' of the trial. I lose sight of my Lord and then it seems as if I were in a deep empty well somewhere in the dessert.
This is the time when His promises, those He has made to me, come alive and become like a soothing balm to my soul. These are the times when I am closest to Him and I feel Him embracing me tight and whispering to me. This is His promise: "My daughter, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect WORK, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing." James 1: 2 - 4. I will rejoice in that the Lord cares for me to the point that He does not leave me with these imperfections, rather He puts me through fire so that His perfect work may come to be. And today I was reminded of another promise: "We also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us." Romans 5: 3 - 5. The Lord is molding my character to be like Christ; and the process is painful because removing the impurities that have been stuck to my soul for years will cause pain. But, oh the beauty and blessedness that is left once these impurities are removed! I, with joy, endure fire that I may be like Him, full of love, compassion, and mercy. All I am able to say is that vomiting all the lies I have swallowed is painful and fearful.
Some have been etched in my soul, making them part of who I am - in essence, defining me. So when the Lord focuses on and targets one of these lies that have defined me, I can and will honestly say, that I am filled with fear at seeing that the person who I thought I was, is not who I am. It is disheartening, disappointing, and depressing. I find myself crying out the lies and believing them again, even though I know they are not true. I find myself going through His promises and knowing they are true, yet not believing Him. It is paralyzing. I cry out in anger and then in fear - will He leave me like this? Will He give up on me? Is He tired of this soul disappointing Him? Will He ever use me for His glory? Is His anger kindled against me? Has He turned His face from me? I reject Him because I think I'm unworthy to receive His love - yet again. And when I have cried all that I can, when I have lost all strength, when there is nothing left in me but being helpless, He says: I will never leave you nor forsake you and be confident of this very thing, my daughter, that I - who have begun a good work in you - will be faithful to complete it until the day of Jesus Christ. (Heb 13:5 and Phil 1:6). Then He strengthens me and upholds me with His righteous right hand and continues to love me. He will not leave me like this. He will not give up on me. He is not disappointed in me because when He sees me, He sees His Son. His name will be glorified through His work in me. His anger is not kindled against me; the judgment for my sins was delivered at the Cross. His Face shines over my face every morning and every hour I enter into His Holy presence. There is nothing in me that is good, except Christ in me, for I am dead and my life is hidden with Christ in God. (Col 3:3). My prayer is that I let Him touch, clean, and heal this wound; that His truth permeates my soul and give me life and that I give love and mercy to others with the same love and mercy with which He has taken care of me. Sometimes we go to sleep yearning for rest....only to have unsettling dreams. The Lord has reminded me of this promise: "I lay down and slept; I awoke, for the Lord sustained me." Psalm 3:5 The song 'Keep you safe' by JJ Heller has reminded me of this promise, that He will sustain me and therefore I will not only lay down, but sleep and awaken. Following is a video I found on youtube that someone put together with the song as background. Copyrights to the song belong to JJ Heller. Poem Removed...
A poem the Lord wrote in my heart and consequently published to the blog was posted on this entry. It has been removed after the Lord showed me that some treasures need to be guarded and displayed at specific and appointed times. The time to display the treasure has passed and so, in obedience to Him, the poem was removed. It has not been discarded, just hidden :) When He decides it is time to display again, then it will be so. May the Lord bless you and heal your wounds, may He bring beauty from your ashes and gold from dust! Rejecting love when it is offered - frustrating. Rejecting love when it is offered in addition to it being direly needed - pitiful and lamentable.
My Lord has taught me, but most importantly, lovingly showed me that He was giving me love and I was rejecting it while in utter need of it. I didn't realize I was doing just that - rejecting the love of the Lover of my soul. He has opened my eyes to this condition: I believed lies that I was unworthy of love. Whenever love was offered, I would reject it because I was not worthy of it; I was starving for love. How clever of the enemy to place a child of God in a catch 22. I praise my Lord, my Saviour, for having compassion of me and touching my wounds that He may heal them. He whispered this to me: "Trust in Me at all times, my beautiful daughter; pour out your heart before Me; I am a refuge for you. Selah" Psalm 62:8 So I did just that; I poured out my heart to Him and He hid me under His wings. Trusting Him with those 'good' things is easy, trusting Him with my wounds was and is hard. Yet, He was gentle to love me through it all and comfort me. Truly, He is my Shepherd, leading me beside the still waters and restoring my soul. I pray I allow Him to empty my heart that He may fill it with His love; then, I can pour His love into others. |
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