Recently, I was battling with living.  Battling with the reality in which our world finds itself.  Battling with the unbridled hate that permeates every corner of this earth.  Battling with such overwhelming evil we are witnessing.  Completely hopeless.

We are all dying.  Some are dying faster.  Some are dying sooner.  Some are agonizing.  What is the point of living?

Strange how these thoughts enter the mind of a follower of Jesus.  I am just being real.  It's overwhelming to live sometimes.  Some much evil.  So much hate.  So much suffering.  So much....

In this state of confusion, I asked for the Lord.  In this state of heaviness, I sought the Lord.  In this state of hopelessness, I knocked on heaven's doors.  Then, just like Jesus said would happen, my asking was answered, my seeking yielded a treasure, my knocking led to doors being opened.  

I sought Jesus, for a word to rescue me out of these waters, and He answered by repeating what He had said 2,000 years ago: Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand.  And in an instant, my quivering soul was grounded.  The events that were taking place during Jesus' ministry were not a bouquet of roses.  There were injustices. There was suffering.  There was abuse of power.  There was murder.  There was theft.  There were heresies.  There was blasphemy.  Yet He remained focused: Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand.  

Life had become overwhelming because my focus had shifted.  I was trying to keep the Titanic from sinking (this world) by rearranging the chairs on the deck.  Jesus reminded me that the Titanic is going down, the focus needs to be on getting people to the life boats and not rearrange the chairs or try to repair the hole.  I cannot stop wars.  I cannot give wisdom to leaders.  I cannot make people reason and calm down.  I cannot stop suffering.  But the one job that I can do is to lead people to the life boats, and, as it turns out, that's the one job that I was given to do on this sinking ship.  

Slowly that heavy cloud that was suffocating me was lifted from me.  Then, my eyes started to see clearer.  Jesus gave me that job because He is coming back.  To use the Titanic analogy, He is coming back with the Carpathia to pick up all those who got on the life boats.  And that portion, Him coming back to pick us up, lifted me to such heights, that I was able to breathe deeply once again.  

Jesus promised He was coming back for us.  I have grown so complacent in expecting His return, that I forgot what a life-sustaining promise it is that He is coming back for us.  This world is not the purpose for my existence.  My purpose for existing is Him.  I exist for Him and in Him, and because of that, I need to continually be looking for His return.  Praise the Lord of Heaven!  Praise the Creator of all!!  

Jesus is coming back - there is no other promise that can put our lives back into perspective.  Jesus is coming back - there is no other in whom we can truly hope.  Jesus is coming back - there is no other in whom we can expect to receive the fulfilled hope of His return.  

O blessed is the day that He returns for His saints!  Blessed is the day when our Messiah will set ALL things RIGHT!  Jesus is coming back, and that is the hope that powers us to guide people to the life boats instead of becoming hysterical and trying to rearrange the chairs on a sinking ship.

May we fix our eyes on Him and His return for us.  May we never tire of expecting His return.

Maranatha!!!

I read often that God is Light, that He is in the light, and that where He is, darkness cannot abide.  So when I came across verse 21 in Exodus 20, my attention was completely lost.  I had to stop right there and just think about what the text said.

The children of Israel were terrified of God, they asked Moses to talk to God for them instead, otherwise they would perish.  God had just delivered what we commonly refer to as the 10 commandments (there were many more, but that's a post for another day).  As He spoke, all they heard and saw was thunder, a trumpet, lightning, and a mountain in smoke.  What a mighty sight to behold.  Moses would have to mediate, speak for them before God.  Then verse 21 happens.  Moses approaches the darkness where God was.  That picture did not compute with my feeble mind.  How is God in darkness?  Perhaps to protect everyone from dying immediately if the saw Him?  Is He not light?  He did speak to Moses from a burning bush, meaning fire, meaning light.  Where was darkness in all this?

Don't have any answers for you.  But what I do have is something the Lord whispered to me as my brain was having a seizure from thinking all of this.  Moses had to approach the darkness where He was.   Right.  So, raise your hand if you like to take a stroll in darkness, towards the sound of thunder, where lightning is striking, and where there is no other source of light around, oh, and there is tons of smoke.  Anyone?  Well, I would probably be crying like a 7 year old if you asked me to do that.  Who knows, maybe I'd get to see - scratch that, it would be too dark to see - experience my first and last tornado.  

Again, Moses had to approach the darkness where God was.  That is what God whispered to me.  Sometimes I think that when things are dark, when trials are grim, when pain is overwhelming, then God is not there.  That it is all an attack from the one who desires our destruction and, therefore, I must hang on until the trial is over so that I can come out victorious on the other side.  But what if, in my desire to approach God, I must also approach darkness?  I must confess, this causes my heart to accelerate and I sort of start hyperventilating.  Going, willingly, toward darkness (pain, suffering, darkness, uncertainty) is not my idea of seeking God, of seeking His face, His presence.  Maybe I've been playing the part of the children of Israel very well: Sending someone else into the darkness to talk to God for me.  But then, if I want to get to God Himself for myself, I must walk toward darkness, where God is, instead of running away from anything that could potentially bring discomfort.  

The truth is, I need to stop seeing life through the glasses of pain or pleasure (anything that makes us happy and that does not cause pain or discomfort).  Walking, following after Jesus, is both: Light and darkness, highs and lows, pain and pleasure.  Not sure where I got the idea that one of our more important goals in life is to avoid discomfort.  If I keep avoiding darkness, then I won't see God when He is in darkness.   Approaching darkness takes an enormous amount of faith I don't have, but I know the One who builds my faith and who strengthens our faith.  I will trust that He will build me so that I, too, can be like Moses and approach the darkness where God is, where He is.

Many times I am left in wonder as to why is it easier to believe something that is intangible than something that is tangible or semi tangible.  At least this is the case with me.

Let me explain.  

I find that it is easier to believe that Jesus died on the cross for my sins, rose on the third day, ascended into heaven and will be coming back to establish His kingdom.  I find it easier to believe that the work He did on the cross, in the grave and rising from the dead paid for my sins and gave me the power to be now called a daughter of God.  Why, then, is it hard to trust Him, to have faith that He works everything for good and His glory, when it comes to those I love?  Why is it that I have to try to do something, try to uncover some hidden meaning in His words, or just try to 'help' Him when it comes to my loved ones?

Last week I had to make a most excruciating decision: End the life of a most beloved friend.  A faithful friend.  One who loved me even when I was not loveable.  One who was always happy to see me, even if it had been a mere 5 minutes from the last time he had seen me.  Always wagging his tail.  Following me everywhere.  And it was this beautiful friend whose life I had to end.  The cancer had taken over his mandible, bleeding, not letting him enjoy what he enjoyed the most: food.  He would starve to death.  And all this time, with pain and all, he would bark to protect those he loved when someone came to the door.  As if this whole scene was not painful already, I struggled to believe what would happen to him when he left this dimension.  

He clearly wasn't a doll or a teddy bear; he had personality.  He was affectionate.  He could be happy.  He could be sad.  He preferred company.  What would happen to him when he breathed his last?  Why was it hard for me to trust a good God with his life?  Why could I not trust that He had my friend's life in His hands, just like He does everyone else's?  

There is so much more to say, but I will not make this post longer.

I had come to a fork on the road: Believe or Perish.  You see, when I came to this fork on the road for my sins, I chose to believe.  Now I had to make the same choice with my friend's being.  

It all boiled down to this: Do I believe that God is good?  Do I believe that He is sovereign?  Do I believe that He is the author ​of life?  

Just like Peter, I arrived at the same conclusion:  Only You, Lord, have the words of eternal life.  To whom else can I go?  Who can I trust with the being of my friend?

There are only two options: My friend disintegrated into thin air when he breathed his last...or God, as the author of life and being the very essence of love, has him (because He loves him more than I ever could, because He created him).  I don't know what that looks like - but I know that there will be animals in heaven (Isaiah 11:6 and 65:25) and these creatures will speak in heaven (Revelation 5:13).  

So this is where the rubber met the road for this particular path:  Where do I turn to?  I have nowhere else to go but to God, for He alone is the author of life, He is love, and He is sovereign.  

Faith is...where the rubber meets the road; where there is something much greater and way beyond the pain we face today.  It takes time to reach this point...well, it took me some time to get here.

I pray we all choose life, hope, and love.

How many times have you found yourself down in the slumps and reached out to someone, a friend, for some encouragment, only to be met with words like: 'get over it, stop doubting and being in disbelief, and have faith'

Is being down and discouraged the same as not having faith?  

This is a question that I have been pondering on for quite some time now.  I cannot say that I have THE answer, but I have to say that the Lord has answered me regarding this question.  I received my answer after looking at two critical moments in the life of the Lord Jesus - that's where the Holy Spirit took me, and that's where He taught me.

The Garden
A garden is a place of life. A place of fruit.  A place of hope.  Yet, on the evening of the last Passover the Lord Jesus would have with His disciples,  the garden was filled with a great turmoil.  It witnessed a great struggle.  If felt the agony of each drop of sweat that poured out from Jesus.  Did Jesus need encouragement?  Yes.  Was He lacking faith?  No.  This was a moment where He was not on a mountain top, rather in a deep and dark valley.  Did the Father care?  Yes.  How do we know this?  He sent an angel to minister (read: encourage) His Son for the path that lay ahead: 'then an angel appeared to Him from heaven, strengthening Him." (Luke 22:43).

The angel came down to where Jesus was and strengthened Him because He needed strengthening.  He was not lacking faith, He was going thru the greatest struggle any soil has had to witness or ever will witness: the will of the Father and the will of the Son...not My will, but Yours be done (Luke 22:42).  Jesus needed encouragement for what lay ahead, because what lay ahead was a darker valley than the one He was on.  

The Cross
What type of view do you think Jesus had when He was hanging from the cross?  His eyes beheld: soldiers who scourged and spit on Him, fellow countrymen who mocked Him, rulers who seethed with hate towards Him, friends who had abandoned Him in His our of greatest need.  The very reason for which He was hanging on a tree, was the source of such pain, sorrow, and agony.  This was no mountain-top experience, this was the valley of the shadow of death - if not death itself.  And in His infinite mercy, the Father sends encouragement to Jesus.  How?  Thru a thief.  Heaven rejoices when ONE sinner repents ("there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine just persons who need no repentance." Luke 15:7).  One sinner, a thief, repented in the midst of Jesus' valley experience...should this not have given encouragement to Jesus?  I say yes.  But don't take my word for it, take His: "Assuredly, I say to you, today you will be with Me in Paradise." (Luke 23:43).  

He received encouragement in the midst of His trial when He witnessed a fruit blossom before His very eyes - the very reason why He was being offered up.  Because without death, there is no remission of sins; without His death, the thief's sins would not have been blotted out.  The thief's repentance encouraged Him to endure the cross for the joy that was set before Him: that He would be with the thief in Paradise that very same day.

So is it wrong to need encouragement?  And is needing encouragement the same as being in disbelief?  No, and no.  We need encouragement...especially when we are walking in the valleys, when we are down, when we are discouraged.

Let us pray that when we are down and needing encouragement, we have brothers and sisters who will not throw darts at us, rather will come down to where we are and strengthen us, just like the angel did with the Lord in the Garden; let us pray that when we grow weary in the work of the Kingdom, that we witness fruit that will encourage us to look ahead to the Joy set in heaven, like the thief was to the Lord Jesus when He was on the Cross.  More importantly, let us pray that we be those friends who will encourage those who need encouragement and strengthen those who need strengthening.  And above all, let us ask for forgiveness for the many times we, I, have shot darts at friends who were discouraged instead of lifting them up and encouraging them.

I began this post sometime between October of 2011 and January of 2012.  I regret not finishing it when the Lord gave it to me.  However, I don't want to leave it unpublished - so here it goes.

When I look at the world around me, I find it difficult to see Jesus at work or see Him at all.  Pain and suffering, violence and betrayal, apathy and indifference...where is Jesus in these?

It is quite easy to understand why it is difficult to see Jesus in these circumstances.  But how about seeing Him in our churches, with our brothers and sisters in Christ - is it difficult to see Him?  Is it possible that our religiosity and self-righteousness has blinded us to Him?  Is it possible that our complacency and lukewarmness has made our hearts insensitive?

Lately I have been walking with Christ closer than ever before.  I have beheld His scars and seen His compassion in a way I had not seen before.  Thanks be to God for brokenness, for it is through being broken that I am seeing Him clearer.  Being broken, broken beyond repair, has led me to let the Holy Spirit take control of this vessel.  I have found myself praying that the Holy Spirit do what is necessary to conform me to the image of Christ - even if this process is painful.

Beautiful Things by Gungor

A beautiful song that summarizes what the Lord does in our lives: brings beauty from ashes.

Watch the first video in order to understand the lyrics of the song.  Then watch the second video (bottom) and meditate on the lyrics.  I pray it uplifts you! :)