How many times a day do we compare our 'worth' in the Kingdom with how others are doing? Do you find yourself asking: Am I producing as much fruit for the Kingdom as person 'x' or 'y'?  I know I constantly ask myself that question. And inevitably, I end the questioning session feeling guilty. No, I am not producing as much fruit as the person next to me.  Therefore, I conclude (erroneously, I might add), I am not of as much 'worth' as the other person; therefore, I'm a speck in heaven; therefore, I'm a terrible daughter; therefore, I'm just wasting air on earth.  

Seeing the above conclusions on paper (or the screen in this case), lets me see the spiral path I tumbled into the moment I started to compare myself to others and their 'performance'. However, it was God Himself who had to speak to me and tear down the lies that I was fabricating and believing; He had to reaffirm that my worth is what He says it is, not what I (or anyone else, for that matter) say it is.  

Let me take you back to more festive days and cooler temps. Early on a December morning, I was walkgging (walk-jogging, well, mostly walking) a 5k race. There was excitement in the air. All sorts of people were around me: old, young, medium, with families, with friends, alone (like myself).  There were strangers, including police officers, cheering us on. Such a nice feeling. Then came a point in the course where two paths diverged (and no, one did not go into the woods). Those who were completing the 10k were to go right and then turn left onto an overpass. Those who were on the 5k were to keep going straight and under the overpass. And that's when I entered eternity. No, I did not pass out or die, but I found myself in God's presence. Let me unpack this for you.

When I looked at the people going right to complete their 10k, something happened in me - only I did not perceive it until God spoke to me. I heard God say to me: You are not less than. When He said those words to me, I realized something was happening to and in me. I was feeling sad, very sad. I remember thinking I wanted to do the 10k; in fact, I really wanted to do the half-marathon. I had done half-marathons before and loved the feeling of completing the race. Yet there I was, doing a simple 5k as I was not at a fitness or psychological level to complete a 10k - let alone a half-marathon. When He spoke to me, I realized that I was feeling less than those who were now above me as they ran on the overpass. Then, He reminded me that the 5k, the 10k, the half-marathon, the kids marathon, and the marathon were all part of the same event, and all ended at the same place. Although there were several races taking place for the same event, all ended by crossing the same finish line. And that's when He brought the lesson home.

I was not built for a full marathon. I hadn't trained for it, so I was not physically or psychologically conditioned for it. If I had gone for the marathon, I would have injured myself. The same applied to the other races. Those completing the marathon were built for the marathon. I was built for the 5k. At the end of it all, we would all end up at the same finish line. Then He showed me how I need not fret for not running the spiritual marathon, because I was conditioned to run the 5k. It did not mean that I was less because I did not have all those fruits full marathoners had; it meant that He built me for the 5k. What if I was placed on the 5k race to help those that had fallen? Those that were broken? Those that were mourning? What if I am a sort of 'hospital' to help other runners get back on their feet and go back to their race, wherein they will bear abundant fruit? Why is running a spiritual 5k of less importance than a marathon? He showed me that He built all His children differently because He placed us all on different races, all of which would end at the same place: Heaven.  

Then, as seamless as it began, I came out of eternity and back to the 5k I was running. After this encounter, it was clear that being in God's presence had changed me. I went under the overpass feeling less than those who were running above me; I came out of the overpass, on the other side, another person. I left behind me the person who felt less than, who didn't measure up to the standards set by fellow brothers and sisters; I was now a person who owned the responsibility of being built for the race in which I was placed by my Father.  

So there you have it my friends, we are all running different races because we are ALL built differently; but we are running in the same event and will end at the same finish line. May we be obedient to His calling, His plans, His will.

How many times have you found yourself down in the slumps and reached out to someone, a friend, for some encouragment, only to be met with words like: 'get over it, stop doubting and being in disbelief, and have faith'

Is being down and discouraged the same as not having faith?  

This is a question that I have been pondering on for quite some time now.  I cannot say that I have THE answer, but I have to say that the Lord has answered me regarding this question.  I received my answer after looking at two critical moments in the life of the Lord Jesus - that's where the Holy Spirit took me, and that's where He taught me.

The Garden
A garden is a place of life. A place of fruit.  A place of hope.  Yet, on the evening of the last Passover the Lord Jesus would have with His disciples,  the garden was filled with a great turmoil.  It witnessed a great struggle.  If felt the agony of each drop of sweat that poured out from Jesus.  Did Jesus need encouragement?  Yes.  Was He lacking faith?  No.  This was a moment where He was not on a mountain top, rather in a deep and dark valley.  Did the Father care?  Yes.  How do we know this?  He sent an angel to minister (read: encourage) His Son for the path that lay ahead: 'then an angel appeared to Him from heaven, strengthening Him." (Luke 22:43).

The angel came down to where Jesus was and strengthened Him because He needed strengthening.  He was not lacking faith, He was going thru the greatest struggle any soil has had to witness or ever will witness: the will of the Father and the will of the Son...not My will, but Yours be done (Luke 22:42).  Jesus needed encouragement for what lay ahead, because what lay ahead was a darker valley than the one He was on.  

The Cross
What type of view do you think Jesus had when He was hanging from the cross?  His eyes beheld: soldiers who scourged and spit on Him, fellow countrymen who mocked Him, rulers who seethed with hate towards Him, friends who had abandoned Him in His our of greatest need.  The very reason for which He was hanging on a tree, was the source of such pain, sorrow, and agony.  This was no mountain-top experience, this was the valley of the shadow of death - if not death itself.  And in His infinite mercy, the Father sends encouragement to Jesus.  How?  Thru a thief.  Heaven rejoices when ONE sinner repents ("there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine just persons who need no repentance." Luke 15:7).  One sinner, a thief, repented in the midst of Jesus' valley experience...should this not have given encouragement to Jesus?  I say yes.  But don't take my word for it, take His: "Assuredly, I say to you, today you will be with Me in Paradise." (Luke 23:43).  

He received encouragement in the midst of His trial when He witnessed a fruit blossom before His very eyes - the very reason why He was being offered up.  Because without death, there is no remission of sins; without His death, the thief's sins would not have been blotted out.  The thief's repentance encouraged Him to endure the cross for the joy that was set before Him: that He would be with the thief in Paradise that very same day.

So is it wrong to need encouragement?  And is needing encouragement the same as being in disbelief?  No, and no.  We need encouragement...especially when we are walking in the valleys, when we are down, when we are discouraged.

Let us pray that when we are down and needing encouragement, we have brothers and sisters who will not throw darts at us, rather will come down to where we are and strengthen us, just like the angel did with the Lord in the Garden; let us pray that when we grow weary in the work of the Kingdom, that we witness fruit that will encourage us to look ahead to the Joy set in heaven, like the thief was to the Lord Jesus when He was on the Cross.  More importantly, let us pray that we be those friends who will encourage those who need encouragement and strengthen those who need strengthening.  And above all, let us ask for forgiveness for the many times we, I, have shot darts at friends who were discouraged instead of lifting them up and encouraging them.

The lie of meeting or exceeding expectations set by others is so damaging to the soul.

But without love, I would not have been able to feel the pain that had numbed me.  Without love, I would not have been able to see the lie that had pierced me.  Without love, healing could not have commenced.  Now abide faith, hope, and love...but the greatest of these is LOVE (1 Cor 13:13).  

I have been tacitly told that in order to be loved, accepted, and worthy of encouragement in the family of God, I had to behave a certain way.  I had to be exceedingly outgoing, unreserved, hop like a kangaroo, have a marsupial pouch, cry on cue, be available 24/7, never be down or depressed, take loveless criticism as an honor and privilege, change or work on my 'deficiencies' when compared to other believers, accept to be treated as a 'second-tier' child of God for not behaving a certain way....and on, and on it goes.  Expectations I did not meet or did not exceed.  But then, God happened.

Spending over six weeks and a concentrated weekend serving others with a group of beautiful and loving ladies and gents, all who loved UNCONDITIONALLY, who did not expect me or others to hop like a kangaroo - rather, just expected for God to work in and thru me - was such a soothing balm to my hurting soul.  And I didn't even know I was hurting.  Notice, the expectation was not for me to do something, but for GOD to do the work (can you hear the sound of impossible burdens roll down and hit the floor...and shattering?).

It took LOVE to allow me to identify the lies that had settled deep down within my heart.  It took LOVE to allow me to feel the pain caused by the lies.  It took LOVE for me to let the tears roll down my face, and not feel guilty for it.

I don't have to be anything God has not created me to be.  I do not have to be anything God is not expecting of me.  The only thing I have to be is an empty vessel, that way He can fill me with Himself.  The only thing I have to do is obey Him, that way He can work in and thru me. 

Oh how sweet the taste of FREEDOM.  And how liberating the weight of TRUTH.    

Praise the Lord for creating a group of ladies and gents who reminded me what UNCONDITIONAL LOVE truly is!!

Again, LOVE truly is the greatest of the three.  Praise the Lord Jesus showed us what LOVE truly is, and for creating brethren who are vessels of His love for, not just the lost, but also for the followers of Jesus who are also hurting.

Praise the Lord for not expecting us to be something we are not.  Praise the Lord for giving us the easy yoke, the light burden: faithfulness, obedience.  We only need to obey Him, and Him alone.  Not others, or even ourselves - especially ourselves.

May His lovingkindness be perceived by your heart today!

This next song, Just Be by Lindsay Taylor, has been such a great ministering song, that I wanted to share it with you in hopes your eyes are reinforced to be fixed on Jesus - the Author and Finisher of our faith.

P.S.  I have no idea who Amanda Boutchía is; I just found this nice youtube video with the song set to a beautiful background.  So, just FYI.  :)

Are you striving to meet a certain expectation?  How does it make you feel when you can never exceed it, let alone meet it?

We are surrounded by a world that, manipulated by the enemy and our own sinful desires, bombards us with the message that we have to meet a certain expectation, fit into a certain mold.

And while detecting this lie might seem challenging when speaking of our physical appearance, it is an entirely different ballgame when we try to detect the lie as it pertains to our being.  What am I talking about?  I'm talking about our personalities, our walk with the Lord, our maturity and understanding of the Way, and the steps we take in following after Jesus.

I've been living in this lie for quite a while.  Here's the sad part: I didn't even know I believed those lies.

It has taken me years to actually detect the pain I was in, to acknowledge the pain (because even after detecting it, I still denied the pain in my soul), and to realize that those expectations are not right.  THEY ARE NOT RIGHT.

Oh, how painful it is to try to act like a kangaroo when I've been a dolphin all along!  How can I hop like a kangaroo and carry 'my young' ones with me, when I don't even have legs or a marsupial pouch?

But I realized that what pained me the most, what took me into numbness, was that these expectations were set by fellow believers. strong believers.

If we speak in tongues, angelic and human, and don't have love - we are nothing.  If we speak truth, and speak without love - it's like rubbing a towel of glass shards over raw skin.  If we speak lies, and and do so kindly - the piercings that are made will go so deep into a person's soul, it will settle down where truth was to abide.

In a loving way, I was told lies that settled down deep in my soul.  And while there is much pain associated with it, I thank the Lord that He has made me aware of this so that I don't do the same thing to others; but, most importantly, to ask for forgiveness of those to whom I have already wounded in similar fashion.  

I must be careful with what I say to other believers; I do not want to perpetuate a lie or introduce one to their souls.  How do I prevent this?  Hiding His word in my heart, being filled with the Spirit of Love, obeying His command to love others as myself.  All this so that I may be used as an instrument to build up the Church, not tear it down; to elevate my brethren, not weigh them down with impossible burdens; to Shine like the Son, not dim or overcast fellow believer's Light.

So what specific lies about my personality and walk with God am I referring to?   Part 2 will detail the darkness behind the lies.

Meantime, I pray the Lord allows us to detect the lie of 'having to meet or exceed' someone's expectations and moves us to healing, so that we may be able to minister to others who are still trying to reach the end of the race but are racing inside a hamster ball.