What is to be humble?  Is it to have a low self esteem? Is it to be contrite?

A good friend of mine was sharing with me that in the fast food industry, the cashiers are taught to differentiate between counterfeit bills and authentic bills using a peculiar method.  They are trained to differentiate the counterfeit from the authentic by having them handle ONLY the authentic bill.  They are never given a counterfeit to compare or examine closely; the are to manipulate the authentic bill as much as possible, but never the counterfeit.  She went on to say that we are to do likewise with the Truth.  We are not to study the counterfeit (the lies Satan whispers to us) and why they are counterfeits - we are to study and meditate upon the truth ALONE.  That way, when the counterfeit enters our life, we can easily detect the lie and reject it.

And so the Lord would teach me about humility in the same manner, only I wasn't aware of it until looking back.

The Lord says that He gives grace to the humble but resists the proud (James 4:6).  For so many years I was blinded by my pride to how prideful I am.  In beholding my Christ, He has opened my eyes to His humility.  In seeing humility in action, I saw my pride in action.   In seeing the Truth, I saw the counterfeit in me.

Self-serving sin (pride), selfish motives (pride), self-worship (pride), keep me from seeing Christ in all, from receiving His word from His children, from loving all as He loves me and as He loves them.  But I can't get rid of this pride - period.  I am rendered powerless to cast this out of me. 

Only a miracle can rid me of my pride, which is the root of my sins - and I thank God for Christ Jesus who, having redeemed me with His death on the Cross and Resurrection, sent the Counselor that He might work that miracle in me.  Which miracle? The miracle that I may look more like Christ and less like me.  The miracle of giving me the desire that I be nothing that He may be everything - humility.  The miracle of molding me into a servant of all, like Jesus modeled for us when He took the form of a bond servant and made Himself of no reputation, becoming obedient unto death - even the death of the Cross (Phil 2:5-9).

I have been reminded several times by my sisters in Christ that humility is not thinking less of myself, but thinking of myself less.  After listening to 'Break the Chains' by Misty Edwards, I was taken on a journey of realization of who I am before the Holy God of all creation.

I pray this following song is a real blessing and takes you on the journey from self-sufficiency to total dependence on Jesus.  Listen to the words and meditate upon them - let the Holy Spirit lead you.  The 9 minutes are worth listening.

'When I was a child, I asked God for help; then I grew up...and became foolish" paraphrased and personalized discussion between John Newton and William Wilberforce in the movie Amazing Grace.

I remember when I first went off on my 'own' to college, I was 18, and didn't know what lay ahead.  The word 'possibilities' seems too small to contain all my heart's dreams.  And when I say I was on my 'own', I mean I was completely independent from my childhood home - in all dimensions (physical, financial, spiritual).  Yet, I was keenly aware that I wasn't on my own - I was dependent on my loving Father.  I was a child.

I remember I used to pray whenever I would consider purchasing something that wasn't a basic need - I remember distinctly praying to Him whether I should use His money to purchase Michael Card's album "The Ancient Faith".  I can feel the adrenaline that ran through my veins when I wanted the buy the album and the conversation He and I had.  He consented and was delighted for me to use His money to indulge myself in such blessed music.  Praying to Him about all the little things was the norm - but then I grew up.

Somewhere along my 'growth', I grew foolish.  As a child, I understood that my Father was in the details of 'my' life; He not only knew all the details, but was interested in those details, my quirks, my likes, my fears, my dislikes.  But I grew up and grew foolish. 

Fast forward a couple of years and you'll find me facing a 'crisis'.  I was 20 and looking for a job in the new city to which I had moved.  I stopped by a company to see if they had openings, and in my rush to get out of the car to approach the company, I left my keys inside the car.  I cried out of frustration and because I believed me to be careless.  The first signs of foolishness began to show up; I tried to pop the lock myself with a coat hanger, only to mess up the lock on the passenger's side.  I remember crying and praying to Him like a child then - He heard me.  I called my sister (using the company's phone as I didn't have a cell phone then) who contacted the friend with whom I was staying temporarily; my friend was able to get off work and help me get the spare key. 

It's endearing to look back at this situation in retrospect, but it is heartbreaking.  I find it endearing that I broke down for locking my keys in the car while looking for a job.  I find it heartbreaking that my first instinct was to solve the problem on my own.  This is where my classic prideful phrase began to take form: I will figure it out. 

Fast forward more years and you will find me solving all my problems on my own, figuring out how to solve the problems on my own.  All the details about which I conversed with Him vanished into insignificant reasons for which not to disturb my Father.  My faith grew, by leaps and bounds!  My faith in myself, that is, not faith in Him.  If my faith in Him was what was growing, then I would go to Him in prayer immediately for every detail for Him to solve it for me.  But I first solve the problem on my own and then, when I am buried under tears, mud, pain, and frustration, only then do I seek Him.  I grew up and grew foolish.

The world often says, in referring to the fine print in contracts and agreements, that 'the Devil is in the details'.  I would have to argue that the truth is quite the opposite.  God is in the details.

God is in the details of my flat tire, my lack of self control, my losing my driver's license, my depression, my back pain, my heart's desires, my dreams, the understanding He gives me to carry out my duties at work, my loneliness, my fears, my dog training (or lack thereof), my car's vibration when driving, the locked phone for which I cannot remember the password, the laundry that I have to finish, the letters I want to write, the cards I want to mail, the love I want to give.  God is in the details, God is in my details.

When I have flat tire, pray, then the answer will come; when I lose my driver's license, pray, then the answer will come; when I am depressed, pray, then the answer will come; when I am needing understanding and illumination for work, pray, then the answer will come; when I am lonely, pray, then the answer will come.  He has told me to pray without ceasing (1 Thes 5:17) - if He commands this, then only one thing is left to do: obey Him.

Our faith is to be like that of a child, who EXPECTS his/her parent to solve all the problems of the world!  Lord, please please change my heart!  I believe, help my unbelief.  Un-grow my 'grown-up' and foolish heart, make me a child, Lord.

"Assuredly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will by no means enter it.” ~ Jesus

There is a time for laughter, there is a time for tears.  There is a time for peace, there is a time for war.  There is a time to be out, there is a time to hide.  There is a time to speak, there is a time to be silent.  There is a time for sounds, there is a time for silence.

I will be taking a time of hiding (1 Kings 17:2-4) and a time for silence.  During the hiding and silence, I will look expectantly for the Lord, I will wait for the God of my Salvation, my God will hear me (Micah 7:7).

Often times in sounds and noise, the whispered truths of the Lord are lost in the crowd by a cluttered heart as mine.  I will be seeking Him by hiding and being silent; I will now be attentive to what He has to whisper to me.

I will wait in hiding and in silence.

Constantly, I fall into the trap that I have to be strong in order to endure.  This is a lie.  In order for me to endure I must be weak, for it is His Spirit that is strong. 

I have often felt guilty that as a Christian, I am weak, I have weak moments, and I am needy.  I feel guilty because I think that all Christians have it all together and all Christians, who are walking with the Lord, are strong and are not poor or needy.  Therefore, only those that do not walk with the Lord are weak and poor.  Translation: I am not walking with the Lord because I am poor and needy.

However, this is not true for David, it is not true for Job, and it is not true for me.  Was Job in the wrong when he wanted the Lord Himself to come and comfort him?  Was he wrong to feel pain, be poor (depressed, in despair) and needy?  Was David wrong for crying out to the Lord when he was in despair, poor and needy?  Am I wrong, as a Christian, to be poor and needy? 

My Father has told me that He likes it when I cry out to Him.  He likes for me to ask Him to rescue me.  He likes for me to be stubborn and refuse to be comforted by any one except Him.  He likes it when I am poor and needy, because when I am poor (in spirit), I seek His riches (Him); when I am needy (empty and lacking in spirit), I reach out for His mercy.  That is exactly what Christ came for, to comfort those who mourn, to bring beauty from ashes, to give oil of joy for mourning (Isaiah 61).  David's words (Psalm 86) testify of this (I've added emphasis in bold, italics and underline):

 1 Bow down Your ear, O LORD, hear me;
         For Iam poor and needy.
 2 Preserve my life, for I am holy;
         You are my God;
         Save Your servant who trusts in You!
 3 Be merciful to me, O Lord,
         For I cry to You all day long.
 4 Rejoice the soul of Your servant,
         For to You, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
 5 For You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive,
         And abundant in mercy to all those who call upon You.
         
 6 Give ear, O LORD, to my prayer;
         And attend to the voice of my supplications.
 7 In the day of my trouble I will call upon You,
         For You will answer me.
         
 8 Among the gods there is none like You, O Lord;
         Nor are there any works like Your works.
 9 All nations whom You have made
         Shall come and worship before You, O Lord,
         And shall glorify Your name.
 10 For You are great, and do wondrous things;
         You alone are God.
         
 11 Teach me Your way, O LORD;
         I will walk in Your truth;
         Unite my heart to fear Your name.
 12 I will praise You, O Lord my God, with all my heart,
         And I will glorify Your name forevermore.
 13 For great is Your mercy toward me,
         And You have delivered my soul from the depths of Sheol.
         
 14 O God, the proud have risen against me,
         And a mob of violent men have sought my life,
         And have not set You before them.
 15 But You, O Lord, are a God full of compassion, and gracious,
         Longsuffering and abundant in mercy and truth.
         
 16 Oh, turn to me, and have mercy on me!
         Give Your strength to Your servant,
         And save the son of Your maidservant.
 17 Show me a sign for good,
         That those who hate me may see it and be ashamed,
         Because You, LORD, have helped me and comforted me.


Who else is there like the Lord?  There is none like Him, and only He can deal with my poverty and my neediness.  It is in my weakness that He shines the most. 

He is emptying this vessel so that I can pour my life into others.  Discipling others to disciple others is my goal, for it is the marching orders the Lord gave me before ascending into Heaven (Matthew 28: 19-20).  I have to understand that through my weakness, my poverty, my neediness, His Spirit will work in the lives of others that they too may be able to disciple others.  So in my weakness I will call upon Him that He may work in me, and by the power of the Spirit, pour my life into others' lives that they too may learn to pour themselves into others (2 Timothy 2:2).

Lord, change my heart, for it is better to let you shine through my brokenness than to becloud your Spirit through my strength.

Note:
Michael Card wrote a song for the album "Soul Anchor" titled 'Never Will I Leave You'.  This song kept playing in my head when I was calling out to my Father from my place of poverty and neediness.  I like the question interjected in the song by the Lord 'Am I not enough for you?'.  It reminded me that He is enough, the All Sufficient One - El Shaddai.  I searched youtube for videos made with the song and found the one I uploaded after this posting.  Interestingly, the video is set to the theme of orphans and adoptions - how appropriate.  I was an orphan in need, in poverty, and He did not leave me.  I pray it blesses you and reminds you of the many orphans surrounding us.

The Lord has revealed Himself and His character in Scripture through different names. Adonai, Elohim, Jehovah Jireh are some of these - and all His names describe who He is.

At the beginning of this month, I came to the realization that I didn't know the different names of God.  I knew some and what they meant; however, I knew that He had more names and I didn't know their meanings.  At that moment, I spoke with Him and said: "Lord, I want to know your different names."  In a way, it seemed as if I was repeating Peter's words when he was in the mount of transfiguration, for what I was thinking was "it is profitable for me to be here...it is profitable for me to know Your names."  Then the Holy Spirit revealed to me that head-knowledge was not what I should ask for, so I spoke to the Lord again and said to Him what the Spirit had put in my heart: "Lord, I don't want to know your different names, I want to know You BY Your different names.  I want to experience each of these names."  Be careful what you pray for in faith, because the Lord answers prayer.....

I didn't understand the deepness of the Love of God to believe that He would answer this prayer so quickly.  Immediately, after I spoke to Him these words, the worship team of a retreat in which I was taught me a song about His different names.  I was in awe of who He is; I thanked the Lord for answering my prayer.  But oh, girl of little faith!  I believed that had been it; I did not believe the Lord would answer this prayer thoroughly.

Days after that prayer, I continued to walk as I had been walking before.  BUT He had better plans.  You see, He couldn't let me continue walking with wounds that had not healed - some were and are still bleeding.  It was and is a difficult place in which to be, to acknowledge painful wounds, but He is Jehovah Rapha, the Lord Who Heals.  I came to experience Him and know Him as, not the Healer, but My Healer.  He continues to heal me.

I continued walking with Jehovah Rapha, Him healing my soul; me feeling the pain that accompanies wounds that are healing; and believing that, although He was healing me, I was invisible.  BUT He could not let me continue walking without telling me that He sees me.  He then revealed Himself to me as El Roi, the God who sees.  Not only was He tending my soul and wounds, He actually sees me, I exist in Him, and I am not invisible to Him.  Like Hagar, I came to experience Him as the One who sees me.

I have continued in this walk, and He has chosen to reveal Himself to me next as El Shaddai, the All Sufficient One.  I continue to know Him as El Shaddai and am processing this encounter.  A part 2 to this post will come in the future because the Lord is answering my prayer thoroughly. 

I pray this encourages you or pushes you to ask Him to reveal Himself to you in each of His attributes - He will answer the prayer, He is answering mine.

This is a great song which reminds me about where my Lord is in relation to me.  I pray it blesses you.

This song is by Tenth Avenue North, titled Times; I found this slide show someone posted on youtube.

This is another song by Laura Story that reminds us of His promise to keep us in peace in the midst of the storms.


No copyright infringement meant by linking this video.  Words and song belong to Laura Story.

The song 'Blessings', by Laura Story, has ministered to me and reminded me that He is my blessing; that it is Him whom I seek through sunshine and through storms.

I pray it encourages you too!


The song and lyrics are by Laura Story - no copyright infringement is meant by posting this slide show. The video was posted on youtube by someone else.