I have often felt guilty that as a Christian, I am weak, I have weak moments, and I am needy. I feel guilty because I think that all Christians have it all together and all Christians, who are walking with the Lord, are strong and are not poor or needy. Therefore, only those that do not walk with the Lord are weak and poor. Translation: I am not walking with the Lord because I am poor and needy.
However, this is not true for David, it is not true for Job, and it is not true for me. Was Job in the wrong when he wanted the Lord Himself to come and comfort him? Was he wrong to feel pain, be poor (depressed, in despair) and needy? Was David wrong for crying out to the Lord when he was in despair, poor and needy? Am I wrong, as a Christian, to be poor and needy?
My Father has told me that He likes it when I cry out to Him. He likes for me to ask Him to rescue me. He likes for me to be stubborn and refuse to be comforted by any one except Him. He likes it when I am poor and needy, because when I am poor (in spirit), I seek His riches (Him); when I am needy (empty and lacking in spirit), I reach out for His mercy. That is exactly what Christ came for, to comfort those who mourn, to bring beauty from ashes, to give oil of joy for mourning (Isaiah 61). David's words (Psalm 86) testify of this (I've added emphasis in bold, italics and underline):
1 Bow down Your ear, O LORD, hear me;
For Iam poor and needy.
2 Preserve my life, for I am holy;
You are my God;
Save Your servant who trusts in You!
3 Be merciful to me, O Lord,
For I cry to You all day long.
4 Rejoice the soul of Your servant,
For to You, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
5 For You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive,
And abundant in mercy to all those who call upon You.
6 Give ear, O LORD, to my prayer;
And attend to the voice of my supplications.
7 In the day of my trouble I will call upon You,
For You will answer me.
8 Among the gods there is none like You, O Lord;
Nor are there any works like Your works.
9 All nations whom You have made
Shall come and worship before You, O Lord,
And shall glorify Your name.
10 For You are great, and do wondrous things;
You alone are God.
11 Teach me Your way, O LORD;
I will walk in Your truth;
Unite my heart to fear Your name.
12 I will praise You, O Lord my God, with all my heart,
And I will glorify Your name forevermore.
13 For great is Your mercy toward me,
And You have delivered my soul from the depths of Sheol.
14 O God, the proud have risen against me,
And a mob of violent men have sought my life,
And have not set You before them.
15 But You, O Lord, are a God full of compassion, and gracious,
Longsuffering and abundant in mercy and truth.
16 Oh, turn to me, and have mercy on me!
Give Your strength to Your servant,
And save the son of Your maidservant.
17 Show me a sign for good,
That those who hate me may see it and be ashamed,
Because You, LORD, have helped me and comforted me.
Who else is there like the Lord? There is none like Him, and only He can deal with my poverty and my neediness. It is in my weakness that He shines the most.
He is emptying this vessel so that I can pour my life into others. Discipling others to disciple others is my goal, for it is the marching orders the Lord gave me before ascending into Heaven (Matthew 28: 19-20). I have to understand that through my weakness, my poverty, my neediness, His Spirit will work in the lives of others that they too may be able to disciple others. So in my weakness I will call upon Him that He may work in me, and by the power of the Spirit, pour my life into others' lives that they too may learn to pour themselves into others (2 Timothy 2:2).
Lord, change my heart, for it is better to let you shine through my brokenness than to becloud your Spirit through my strength.
Michael Card wrote a song for the album "Soul Anchor" titled 'Never Will I Leave You'. This song kept playing in my head when I was calling out to my Father from my place of poverty and neediness. I like the question interjected in the song by the Lord 'Am I not enough for you?'. It reminded me that He is enough, the All Sufficient One - El Shaddai. I searched youtube for videos made with the song and found the one I uploaded after this posting. Interestingly, the video is set to the theme of orphans and adoptions - how appropriate. I was an orphan in need, in poverty, and He did not leave me. I pray it blesses you and reminds you of the many orphans surrounding us.