I understood how those truths defined our walk, provided the framework for our lives, and were the goals for which we are to reach.
I must decrease that Christ may increase.
Without Him, I can do nothing.
Abide in Him, He will abide in me.
The last command we received was to make disciples.
There are hurting people, individuals in pain, who need the love of Christ.
We are to be compassionate toward others.
We must die to self.
What concerned me was not the depth and implication of the truths. What concerned me - alarmed me, really - was that my heart was not being moved by the same magnitude as my mind was. It was dry.
Christ was often moved with compassion upon seeing the multitudes seeking Him. They came to Him to be healed or to hear Him speak. In either case, He once describes the people as sheep without a shepherd - that moved Him as well. If the heart of Christ is compassion, love, investing one's life in another, then why does my heart not follow? I am not saying I did not believe these truths, but there was something missing - my sensitivity to the Spirit. The ears and eyes of my heart were shut; my heart was arid, dry and cracked.
There is nothing, though, that the Lord cannot moisten and overflow with living water; there is nothing the Lord cannot resurrect; there is nothing the Lord cannot change. My God is the one who formed an army out of dry and dispersed bones; He parted the Red Sea; He gave life to Lazarus.
While my sisters and I prayed, we each took turn to speak to our Father on behalf of each other. During that prayer, I saw how the Lord sprinkled water on my heart and it slowly started to moisten and become soil again.
To say that one can die to self by doing some sort of exercise is not accurate - it is prideful. What happens when our hearts are dry and arid? We cannot produce anything while in that state. What's more, the Lord is the one who sprinkles water over our hearts for it to be moisten - we cannot do it ourselves. This is not to say that we don't have any doing because that isn't true; we must chose Christ and believe that God can and does change us. With out faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who seeks Him must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.
What shall I say but that to God be the glory for moistening my dry, arid and cracked heart. He is the fountain of living waters, springing up into everlasting life.