In the midst of this situation I am in, I found myself signing two songs over and over again. 'Clear the Stage' by Jimmy Needham and 'I will Bring you Home' by Michael Card. One brought me comfort, the other pointed to my dark secret.
Feeling helpless, lost, and confused, the song that I kept singing was 'I will bring you home'. I felt and re-discovered His comfort, the tenderness and comfort of my Father, my Abba. This promise that He will bring me home and have me enter into His day of rest was like a gentle drizzle on my parched soul. One day He would bring me home, where my only desire is to sit at Jesus' feet. A day where I will finally be rid of this flesh, where unbelief takes a hold, fears paralyze, and torment tortures.
If you want to listen to the song, you can click here and it will take you to another window, or you can scroll to the bottom of the post. :)
Then, after Abba comforted me and held me in His arms, the song that I was led to sing was 'Clear the Stage'. I found myself meditating on the bridge and realized that I had been thinking about my situation all week - non-stop! In case you are not familiar with the bridge, it goes like this: Anything I put before my God is an idol; anything I want with all my heart is an idol; anything I CAN'T STOP THINKING OF IS AN IDOL; anything that I give all my love is an idol.
Then, after speaking with a friend about motives of the heart (which the Lord sees) and good works (which men see), the song Malachi by Michael Card came to mind. Again, it's about bringing offerings to God yet being far away from Him; singing unto the Lord, yet not worshipping Him.
And just now - as in this evening at 9:30 pm - the Lord has revealed what is hidden in my heart: IDOLATRY. Wow! What an idol worshipper I am!
Here is the song 'I will bring you home' by Michael Card - the rest of this story is found in part 2.