I had asked the Lord to search my heart and shine a light into it to reveal my intentions, desires, pride and arrogance that were blinding me to Him. Once He would pull those out, I would be able to see and hear clearly. All day I could not stop thinking about the situation, the characters, their intentions (and evil intentions), the forces, the grand scheme of things, the not-so grand scheme of things, the pig picture, the little picture, the invisible picture, the abscence of a picture...you get the pitcture.
I worship 'my' career, my method of solving problems, the knowledge of what are the motives of other people's hearts (which I can't know at all), in summary: my will! Me! I'm the center of my will. Ugh!
This doesn't solve my current situation but it does bring some release and relief in that this is much bigger than what my eyes are capable of seeing. This is about Jesus bringing out of me that which is not of Him. His submission to the Father is what He wants to engrave in my heart.
Clearly, I am a wild horse. The Lord seeks to channel that force in a positive and constructive way - and breaking my willful, prideful, and arrogance-filled desires and ways will yield a usable force.
My situation is the same, but now I know what lurked in my heart that didn't allow me to visualize the situation with God's eyes: Idolatry.
I believe my decision has to be based on this now: do I crush the idol or do I leave the idol intact and purpose myself not to idolize it? Oh, and which one is the idol?
Just looking at the Old Testament shows me that there was a reason why the Lord instructed the children of Israel to destroy the idols found in their midst. He did this sooo many times! Why? It's obvious that we are weak and cannot be in the presence of idols and expect to be 'strong' enough to not fall down and worship again. But most certainly, I am weak. I am very weak. I know I will inevitably take my eyes off of Jesus and fix them on my idol. Oh wretched woman that I am! But thanks be to Christ Jesus who overcame my sin on the Cross. And it is He who will preserve me blameless and keep me until the day of His return.
So what now? I don't know. All I know is that I need to fall down and worship Him, and He will guide me step by step and give me the courage and bravery to carry out His will - however painful it may be for those around me and myself.
Are you in the same boat? You may need to step out of the boat to see if you are suffering from the same disease...
Here's the second song the pierced my arrogant heart (I didn't put video together so you can go to youtube directly if you would like - just want to clear that up :)). Clear the Stage by Jimmy Needham.