The disciples remind me of fitness instructors. For instance, they do a plank with one hand raised and opening the hip as they turn and stay in that position for 30 seconds with such ease and (seemingly) without much effort, I think: Oh, I can do that. No problem. Then, unsurprisingly, as I attempt to replicate the move, not only do I fail miserably (meaning I look more like a dog trying to bend and flex like a cat) but it sends my heart rate through the roof as I have to put all my effort (plus the effort I don't have) to complete the routine. They always make it look sooooooo easy. Well, I've discovered that the disciples made it look easy to simply leave everything to follow Him.
I find myself convicted by witnessing other people leave everything to follow Him; I reach down unto my heart and find that I can't do that. And that is heartbreaking. I'm gutted.
Enter Michael Card with a perfectly timed song on my playlist: Stranger on the Shore. I have now gained new ears to hear that song. The whole song pierced me and allowed me to shed tears of mourning. Mourning the fact that I cannot replicate what the disciples did. Look at the chorus:
Stranger on the Shore, Michael Card
You need to be confronted
By the Stranger on the shore
You need to have Him search your soul
You need to hear the call
You need to learn exactly
What it means for you to follow
You need to realize that He's asking for it all
Strangely enough, the truth that pierced me is the one that is lifting me up. I need to be confronted by the Stranger on the shore because I have so much arrogance and many hidden rooms of deceit (towards myself). I need to have Him search my soul, because somewhere in there is the person He created me to be. I need to hear His call and know EXACTLY what it means to follow Him; He is not asking for my good thoughts, good intentions, or good actions, all of that is easy to give to Him. He is asking for it all, for all of me. This means giving Him ALL whom I hold dear and near to my heart. Giving Him my security. Giving Him my fears. Giving Him everything until there is nothing left. "Only the slave who leaves it all is truly free", Michael Card (A Fragile Stone). That is my hope: that He will take me to that place where I can leave it all.
I encourage you to buy those two songs by Michael Card, Stranger on the Shore and A Fragile Stone. Interestingly, they are both on the life of Peter.
May we all be confronted by the Stranger on the Shore and partake of supper with Him, as He searches our souls.